A change much needed.

Today I, Nicole Cruz. Watched the movie Joseph Smith: The Prophet of the Restoration. I just have to say, wow! It touched me so much, it touched me more than anything I have encountered. I seriously bawled like 30 mins worth of tears. It was so precious, and warm, and it felt right. I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. I just know, and it IS a AMAZING feeling. After that I watched some Mormon messages. and they hit the heart but not as much as the Joseph Smith movie. I loved it. I want the whole world to see this movie! I was sort of curious at the beginning but now I remember how I felt last summer. I felt the Spirit, which testified to me that Joseph Smith was a true prophet. The person that I think I want to share this message with the most is my friend Brad. I really want to show him this! Ahh this is incredible.

Josh Groban can take me behind the Middle School.

So today is July 30. 19 days until Nat comes home! My stomach hurts like a bitch, I forgot to eat dinner yesterday. I was too busy blogging! Now I'm eating some nasty eggs without anything. My stomach hurts more.

Today I made some vajitas, I think I'm a horrible blogger. I don't know how to blog about important issues or stupid shit for that matter. I don't really care about anything.

I've felt like shit lately, don't know why. I keep listening to the sad playlist on Grooveshark. I haven't felt the need to talk to anybody, actually I don't want to. I like my solitude at times.

There's this new bitch I like, her name is Kreayshawn. She may be replacing Nicki Minaj real soon, and real good! She raps and got the tats! Can you say #theonlywhitegirlwithswag!

I've been avoiding everything I am supposed to do. To do list: Finish the Human Centipede, finish the Joseph Smith movie, call my parents, clean my room, and exercising. Talk about being a lazy bitch. Haha. Chet school starts in 16 muthaeffing days. I am dreading that damn school.

Dang it whenever this certain person talks to me, I like him like I did before. I can be talking to another nigga, but all I can think of is this other nigga.

Whaaa?! What the fuck? I heard something disturbing. Mr. DonGlover might be dating Adele! Damn the devil to hell! Donald always talking about these hot bitches, but he dating Adele. #smh.

The rain splatters on my window, as I type this very sentence, and listen to Keane. The thunder fills the silence in my house. The faint whispers from my closet haunts me. Haha Jk I ain't about to get all Edgar Allen Poe on this bitch!

Well Peace and blessings to y'all.

Nicknames in case I forget!

Meghan -Apollo

Natalie- Duffy

Me- Tucker

Denver- Lebeef

BZ- Pigskin

Nick- Honky

Shum- Rashonda

Courtnasty - Africa

Dusty- Bobby

Tron - Zeus

Ryan French- Pokey

Ryan T- Lt. Dangle

Joe- The Sarg

Zach- T Rex

Dallin- Dallys wally

Brian Bean- Big Red!

There are available names: The Amazon, Mojave Desert, and Skinhead.

July 24, 2011. 1:01 A.M

Dang I am just listening to Lil Rob. That beaner knows what I like! Anyways I notice I have a mean streak in me a lil'. When people tell me they, or their pastor went on a mission. I want to laugh, but only if they aren't LDS. They go on a mission for two weeks, while Mormon men go for two years. Two FREAKING years!! And it's not like they can upload stuff on Facebook, like I see the people who go on a mission for two weeks can.

Three weeks until school starts, and Natalie comes home. I can't wait! She will be home for two months, until she leaves October 11 for her mission. That will be the saddest day. I am ready to start and finish school! I want to go to BYU already! I miss my Meghan, and our little schemes we would do. I won't see her for at least two years :( I miss e'erybody from the Carriage Cove, well almost everybody.

It's Sunday already, I have to go to church in the morning. I am horrible, I laugh while the singers sing, the thing is they can't sing. No one has the heart to tell them they can't, plus I told my mom already. But she hasn't stopped singing....

May 21, supposely the end of the world. haha

Damn it feels good to be a pimp. Yesterday was the last supernatural episode for the season. Cass turns me on. I wish I had my own angel. That would be b.a. Today is so boring! It was raining all day yesterday, and today its sunny and everyone is just in their room.

I’m going to Utah in less than a month. I arrive there June 16. I can’t wait. Theres a Kid Cudi concert there June 27! and I want to go so bad! I might. don’t know yet. I want a Kid Cudi and Kanye West, and a Cholo Adventure shirt. Next weeks episode of America’s Best dance crew is Kanye West! I can’t wait. School is almost out. 12 school days left of school. I have so much homework and projects to do! I want straight A’s. Shit ain't gon' happen though!

People I wouldn't want to see as Strippers.

"Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world, and I, madame, am a professional".

-David Spade

-Short Mexican guys. (especially with a mustache!)

-Rosie O’ Donald

-Danny Devito

-Rapper Fat Joe

-Hugh Hefner

-Any sibling of mine

-Robert Pattinson

-Gucci Mane

-Steve Buscemi

-The heavyset chick in Glee

-Gabriel Igleasias

-Fergie

-Kevin, Phylis, Stanley, Dwight from the office

-Chevy Chase

-The other plump girl from Glee

-Robin Williams

-John Travolta

-Tom Hanks

-Nicholas Cage, currently

-Queen Latifah

-Marilyn Manson

-Courtney Love

-Steven Tyler

-Carrot Top

-Lyle Lovett

Some day in April

3 month and 11 days until I go to Utah! I can’t wait. I miss my sister and everyone else so much. She’s supposed to get her mission calling this month. I kinda don’t want her to go anymore, I will miss her too much. But it’s her decision and I respect what she’s doing. I sometimes regret stop learning about the gospel. I wish I could. But at a decent hour. Seminary starts way too early for my taste.

I have so much missing work, I’m horrible I know! I should prolly get up on that. I need to study for the act too!

My teacher Mrs. Simpson has pictures of Paul Peterson everywhere! He’s obviously his favorite student! I will change that, haha jk.

I recently talk to a friend of mine that i wasn't in speaking terms with, because her dad was beating her up. She asked me to give a note to her bf for her. Super awkward! Especially since he likes me, and texts me everyday.

I have only senior year and then college. BYU here I come! I hope I get in, i think I will. or not University of Utah is easy to get into! I have to apply early though! I skip too much.

I love Bz even though he doesn’t like Nicki Minaj, hes still amazing. His words always get me when he talks about the gospel. He is still a missionary to me.

Oh yeah Osama Bin Laden is dead.

4.20! (2010)

Today is 4.20, and it sucks because I am not celebrating it! I wanted to say right here. I’m not trying to be Mormon. But you know what? I made a mistake.. The drugs, and boys are not worth it, I’d rather be Mormon. I wish I knew what to do. I already pronunced it to the world. I can’t take it back. Damn it. Everyone knows I’m a bad kid. I’m the worst person ever. I got kicked out for trying to become Mormon, what the hell is wrong with me?! Before I would’ve died being Mormon. But now i’m nothing. Nothing with no weed, or boy.

I would go lezzie for Naya Rivera and Nicki Minaj. Life is okay. This baby hippo is trying to start crap. She’s so immature. She thinks I want her bf still. Nah bitch.

I have the biggest thing for Donald Glover. He’s absolutely beautiful and talented. Oh yeah I had an allergic reaction and my face broke out it sucked! I still havee it from the weekend and I have to go to school tommorow. I bitch too much. It’s true. omg Mr.Beautiful I.med me first. He’s beautiful!

Today (as in a while back).

Today I made a Tumblr. This ish is hard! I be watching my baby daddy Jensen Ackles. I would tap that ish a bajillion times. Hes freaking sexy! Currently Nadine is massaging her mustache, and Yeli is eating her 3rd bowl of cereal.

My Birfday is in 1 month and 1 day exactly. I want Dj Wes for my birthday. bucknekked with a cowboy hat and boots on. Actually make it high heels, cause he’s one inch taller then me. Hahaha I find myself attracted to not so attractive people right now. I don’t know why. Wait thats a lie. Julito is cute.

I consider myself a intelligent person, and I’m funny. I’m going to marry a mormon guy who is nice,smart and hot. This blog is totally random. I don’t really like all these people that I mentioned, I just think they’re studs. I noticed I love studying African American’s attitudes. A lovely example would be a sophisticated young lady in my English class named “Nay-Nay”. She reminds me of a mixture of Oprah, Aayliah, and Destiny’s child put together. Her shirt rolls up, and her sweat pants are so low, she shows her tramp stamp. Doesn't help that she is a bit chubby but she dat classy. Of course she told me the other day that brown was a nasty color, and than looked at me, which is totally ironic; I still appreciate her presence.

Justin Bieber's birthday!

Today in seminar, I visited my good ol’ African American friend and we will call him D-Rock. Tha shawty was looking so good today. I couldn’t resist dat ass. So I wrote him a poem….

Dear D-Rock, You’re one sexy dark chocolatey man. I want dem Hershey kisses. You’re have a mother’s touch. That chain on you is so gansta, you’re a gansta football playa. Your eyes tell a dark story. The way you liick dem lips, reminds me of a fish. You like a young Ray J. Love, Nicole. <3

I’ve noticed that I have been crushing on brown niggas. I just heard the sentence come out of my lovely sister’s mouth “He’s such a p***y.” I have amazing role models haha. I found out today that my sister named anonymous, has a liver disease. So this past weekend I was in Branson. I was in a okay mood. So i thought what the heck I’ma buy my pa something nice. So I ended up buying him a nice little sweater and a black shirt. Since my mother is out of the picture. I learned there's no one to catch you when you're falling

And there will be no one to hear you when you're calling.

have the most coolest nephew ever he’s so gangsta. Except when he asks me if I am a boy or a girl. Which is everytime I see him… He speaks more spanish then me and he’s 6. He calls his sister Mona (monkey in spanish) all da time. it’s the cutest thing ever!

“if you admire someone, you should tell them. people never get the roses while they can still smell them” - KanYe West”

Weird ass day

Sorry all two followers of my blogs, I haven’t blogged in the longest time. My bad, lynch me!

So today in seminary I realized something. I did something that I really regret to someone. I realized i felt like s*&! actually! It dawned on me, I needed to apologize to him. So on, I apologized. Today, I read the magazine the Ensign, and I shed a tear over a stories, I read, that were about missionaries. I never cry! unless I am really happy!

If you haven’t heard Kanye’s new cd, you have to! Life is pretty good! I’m going to start focusing on school and church and not on what i am missing out on,or guys. I have pretty good grades, and I am learning more about the gospel then ever! It’s hard to deal with my thoughts, and the habit of lusting.

So I was talking to this redneck boy, and we were talking about being classy. and he said “Classy goes out the window, where i’m from.” haha. Ain’t that the truth! My school is a whore house, and the teachers are the pimps.

Love,

A crazy ass latina.

Damn Dr. Dre

Well I be listening to some Brad Paisley, he can seriously rock my world anyday! But anyways, today and yesterday has been a really hard day for me. A test of my dedication I shall say? I’ve been torn between doing whats right and doing what I want. I wanna do something like REALLY REALLY bad, but I know I shouldn’t.. I know I shouldn’t because God wouldn’t want me to. But then I think I’m not even saved, I can do whatever I want! awwwwhhh I don’t know what I should do. I feel so empty inside right now anyways. This hasn’t been a problem since forever ago!

Gahh I hate people! Especially guys! Today was good anyways :) In french, I took a test I didn’t know s&*t about! Seminar was awkward but Mishayla was there so it was great! I saw the Mac Miller look alike in 6th hr. Teeheee so cute! I like how my teacher likes to provoke our thoughts about stupid shit, just like that drunk uncle everyone has. Dr. Dre is hitting like 40 I think? I’d tap that right here right now. so attractive! Ugh there goes my goal about not thinking about guys for a while. Bahaha that shit went out the door a while back!

Sorry I feel like venting and cussing. It’s been a while! Everyone should be suprised I got invited to toke up but I didn’t! I know better then to smoke! I think this Blake Toven kid is gonna be good. Now, I’m being classy and listening to The Beach Boys. When I am emotional I listen to music all the time, helps me soothe my mind.

You know whats sad? I’m being completely honest in this blog. I talk to my parents very little. My dad- I talk to him like three times a month, hes a busy man :) My mom- the same.

My family is all sorts of messed up. Haha We don’t say “I love you” or we don’t hug. I don’t know how we show affection actually. Whenever I have tried to tell my sisters I love them, they say “whatever Nicky, What do you want?, or fuck off.”

One thing I admire about myself is that when I’m around with people who are not family, or if I’m at school, I always look pleasant. I stopped showing people my feelings, Haha instead I’ll rant on here. I hope I change someday soon. Maybe If I could go to church, I would be happier. Sometimes I feel really different. I feel like I have two personalities the mormon Nicky, and the dirty ass Nicky. Sometimes I look at a gay couple and I’m like awh they’re so cute, they belong together. But then I remember the bible says something like man should not lie down with man or something. Sometimes I don’t know, sometimes I just want to do hoodrat things! haha.

So after writing this and listening to a Dixie Chick song. I feel great. Damn I feel effing amazing. I was pretty torn today, but this made it all better. Dang Karma is gonna be a bitch to me I just know it! I have messed up so much! Well ciao fellow followers, I wrote too much today. Peace and blessings! <3

Boring ass day

Well today sucks ass, I’m fking bored. Sometimes I wish I was high or sometimes I wish I could sleep a lot. But I can’t sleep a lot, I’ve tried. I hate Arkansas, I hate high school!

That Earthquake and Tsunami is horrible! They’re in my prayers fer sure. I miss my sister a lot. I looked at our friendship from the past three years on facebook. Man, we were some durty biznatches! We have more class now, well somewhat. :) I remember our emo days, where we would listen to Fall Out Boys, Panic! at the Disco, Armor for sleep, and fantasize about Pete Wentz. and listen to Music videos until 5 am with Meghan, Amanda and Jessica. I remember watching Chumscrubber and the Mormon bonfire, and thinking Brandon Clark is so fine!

I miss my friends from last year! Everyone always parts! I miss Josh, Brad, Amy, Hayleigh, and Ashley! Jeez Everyone leaves highschool! I suck so much, I don’t know how i have friends. I just want to party and I want it to be last summer again :’(.

I’m so tired I went to sleep at 1:30! I normally go to sleep at 9! and wake up at 5. I think Jackie Chan gets more attractive as he gets older! In Karate Kid, he’s a Dilf! Aiight Im out niggas! I’m tired!

17 more days until my birthday.

I actually volunteered at the Habitat for Humanity building. It was alright, I wanted to volunteer with Mishayla but this chick took my spot! I ended up being a secretary, which was alright. Then Tim and the kids and I went to Andy’s.

Ugh I saw someone I had a thing with. Just went to Dollar General saw a cute guy, he was older though, but we flirted it up. Might tap that secretly. He is 26. Ah! He is filled with tats. That is so gosh dang hot! I want a Mormon guy.

Hahaha. I haven’t read the b.o.m in like 4 days, and I haven’t prayed in two days. I just don’t feel like i should. I feel like I’m too dirty to do it! I want some thug friends. ha ha I just want to laugh and be sorta happy like I was last year! I want to do bad things! This guy actually said "If I learn about the Book of Mormon, will you have sex with me?". Bahaha made my day! Time for me to jet.

xoxo Nicky.